I spent about three years in a job that looked perfect on paper. Good salary, respected company, people who liked working with me. My manager even told me I was doing great work. But every Sunday evening, I’d get this pit in my stomach thinking about Monday morning. Not because anything was objectively wrong, but because something just felt off.

The funny thing about being stuck is that it doesn’t always announce itself with drama. There’s no villain boss, no terrible working conditions, no obvious reason to complain. You just wake up one day and realize you’ve been going through the motions for months, maybe years. The work that used to challenge you feels routine. The projects that used to excite you feel like checkboxes. Worst of all, you can’t even explain to yourself why you’re unhappy because you know how good you have it.

This is what people call the golden handcuffs problem, and it’s way more common than anyone wants to admit. You’re getting paid well enough that leaving feels irresponsible. You have stability that your younger self would have killed for. Everyone around you keeps saying how lucky you are. They’re not wrong either. That doesn’t change the fact that you’re miserable though, and the guilt of being miserable when you “shouldn’t be” just makes it worse.

The Golden Handcuffs Trap

Golden handcuffs aren’t just about money. They’re about the gap between what you have and what you need.

You have:

  • Financial security
  • Career stability
  • External validation
  • The “right” job on paper

You need:

  • Purpose
  • Growth
  • Challenge
  • Alignment with who you’re becoming

The gap between those two lists? That’s where the misery lives.

Why “Just Quit” Is Not the Answer (And Neither Is “Just Stay”)

When you start looking for advice on this problem, you’ll find the internet loves extremes. One camp will tell you that life’s too short and you should quit immediately to follow your passion. The other camp will lecture you about gratitude and remind you that most people would kill for your job. Both sides are absolutely convinced they’re right, and both are offering useless advice.

Here’s what I’ve learned after going through this myself and talking to dozens of people in the same boat. The real question is not “should I stay or go?” That’s the wrong frame entirely. The real question is “Am I trapped, or am I being strategic?” And answering that requires something deeper than making a pros and cons list at 2am when you can’t sleep.

Enter iTQ: Your Intuitive Trust Quotient

In my book, I introduce iTQ - your Intuitive Trust Quotient. It’s not about “trusting your gut” in some vague, mystical way. It’s about developing four specific skills that help you interpret signals accurately.

iTQ has four components:

  1. Intuition - Recognizing patterns without overthinking
  2. Active Listening - Staying present with what’s actually happening (not what you hope or fear)
  3. Consequential Thinking - Anticipating second and third order effects
  4. Adaptability - Adjusting as you learn

Let’s apply iTQ to the “stuck in your job” problem.

Using iTQ to Evaluate Your Job Situation

1. Intuition - What Patterns Are You Ignoring?

Your body usually knows something’s wrong before your brain is willing to admit it. I remember noticing that I started avoiding answering “how’s work?” questions from friends. I’d give these vague, deflecting answers because I didn’t want to get into it. That was a signal I ignored for way too long.

Pay attention to the patterns. Do you dread Sunday evenings? Do you feel energized or completely drained after a workday? Are you finding excuses to skip team events or social time with coworkers? Do you spend more time daydreaming about doing something else than actually thinking about your current projects?

Pattern recognition is not about having one bad week or even one bad month. Everyone has rough patches. What matters is consistency over time. If you’ve felt this way for six months or more and nothing’s fundamentally changed in how you feel, that’s not a rough patch anymore. That’s a pattern, and patterns don’t fix themselves.

2. Active Listening - What’s Actually True Right Now?

This one’s harder than it sounds because we’re really good at lying to ourselves. Active listening means stopping for a second and asking what you actually feel, not what you think you should feel.

There’s often a huge gap between those two things. You might tell yourself “I should be grateful for this salary” while the actual truth is “I wake up with anxiety every Monday and it’s getting worse.” Or you say “this job is objectively good” when the reality is “I haven’t learned anything new in a year and I’m starting to feel like I’m falling behind.” Or maybe it’s “I’m lucky to have flexibility” but what’s actually true is “flexibility doesn’t fix the fact that I don’t care about the work I’m doing.”

Active listening is about getting brutally honest about the gap between the story you’re telling other people and the truth you’re living with every day. That gap is where the real decision lives.

3. Consequential Thinking - What Happens If You Stay? If You Leave?

This is where most people get stuck. They only think one move ahead.

If you stay for 2 more years:

  • Will you gain skills that make you more valuable elsewhere?
  • Will your resume look stronger or more stagnant?
  • Will you save enough to take a risk later?
  • Will staying preserve your mental health, or erode it?

If you leave now:

  • What’s the financial runway you actually need?
  • Can you test a new path without burning bridges?
  • What’s the worst case scenario, and can you recover from it?
  • What opportunities become available if you free up your time?

Second order effects matter.

Staying in a soul-crushing job for 5 years to save money doesn’t help if you’re too burned out to take the leap when you finally “can afford it.”

4. Adaptability - Can You Experiment First?

The all-or-nothing mindset kills good decisions.

You don’t have to choose between:

  • Stay forever
  • Quit tomorrow

You can:

  • Stay and build a side project nights and weekends
  • Negotiate a 4-day workweek to test a new path
  • Take a sabbatical if your company offers it
  • Switch teams internally to learn something new
  • Freelance in your field to see if independence suits you

Adaptability means testing hypotheses, not making declarations.

If you think you want to leave but aren’t sure what for, spend 3 months experimenting on the side. Build something. Learn something. Talk to people doing what you think you want to do.

Then reassess. Your iTQ will be sharper with data.

The Real Question: Are You Stagnant or Strategic?

Here’s how to tell the difference.

You’re being strategic if:

  • You have a clear timeline (6 months, 1 year, 2 years max)
  • You’re actively building skills or savings toward a specific next step
  • You’re learning something valuable, even if the job itself isn’t fulfilling
  • You have a plan and you’re working it

You’re stagnant if:

  • You’ve been saying “just one more year” for 3+ years
  • You’re not learning, growing, or saving with intention
  • You wake up with dread more days than not
  • You can’t articulate what staying is building toward

Strategic waiting has a purpose. Stagnant waiting is just fear.

What Modern Compass Teaches About Stuck Points

This situation touches all four directions of Modern Compass:

Self (Awareness): Are you aware of the real reason you’re staying? Fear? Comfort? Genuine strategy?

Trust (Informed Trust): Can you trust your read on this situation, or are you rationalizing?

Character (Authentic): Are your choices aligned with your values, or are you performing a version of success that doesn’t fit?

Relationships (Loyalty): Are you staying out of misplaced loyalty to a company that wouldn’t hesitate to lay you off?

When all four directions point the same way, the decision becomes clearer.

Your Next Step: Run the iTQ Check

Pick one:

If you’re leaning toward staying:

  • Define the timeline (6 months? 1 year? 2 years max?)
  • Identify what you’re building toward (skills? savings? network?)
  • Set milestones to reassess (if X doesn’t happen by Y date, I leave)

If you’re leaning toward leaving:

  • Run the financial math (3-6 month runway minimum)
  • Test the alternative (side project, freelance gig, informational interviews)
  • Build the transition plan (don’t just quit into the void)

If you’re genuinely unsure:

  • Give yourself 90 days to experiment on the side
  • Track your energy and patterns honestly
  • Revisit iTQ at the end of the 90 days with new data

The worst decision is no decision. Staying without intention is just slow-motion quitting.

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The Bottom Line

Golden handcuffs are only real if you believe they are.

Good pay doesn’t mean you should stay, though it also doesn’t mean you should leave.

The question is whether you’re being strategic or stagnant.

Use your iTQ. Get honest about patterns, listen to what’s actually true, think through consequences, and stay adaptable.

You’re not trapped. You’re just at a decision point.

Decision points are where growth happens.

Always… follow your compass.

- Josh

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